Gaining new ‘friends’ on Facebook is half the fun of it, the other half is serious business. So, what happens when you notice your friend count just went from 372, down to 370? Yikes – you just got unfriended by two friends, and for no apparent reason!
Check out these 10 reasons below to help you figure it all out…but, first…
Let’s be grateful that Facebook does not publicly humiliate us all by listing who had the audacity to unfriended us. But, now there is a browser extension that helps you take matters into your own hands. It is called, Unfriend Finder.
This script will tell you which friends have removed you or deactivated their accounts, and who has dared to decline your friend request. (Note: this handy tool cannot tell you which profile(s) had you on their friendlist before it was installed. Unfriend Finder is not retroactive.)
…and be aware, Unfriend Finder will not help you from losing your friends!
10 Reasons Why You Got Unfriended on Facebook:
Guest author: Tania Khadder. Originally posted on ArtBistro.Monster.com
Do you really need to be in touch with people you barely knew (or liked) in high school? If you didn’t know how many virtual goats they’d raised or what their kids had for lunch, would you be missing anything? And somewhere ‘out there’, someone might be thinking the exact same thing about you!
You might want to steer clear of these annoying behaviors…
1. Oversharing
People tend to forget that their friend list is as dynamic as the life they lead. Keep that in mind when you’re about to share something you wouldn’t tell your cousin or coworker in a face-to-face setting. Very few people want to see pictures from your ultrasound. And I can’t think of anyone who wants to hear about your sexcapades.
2. Exposing your friend’s vices
Your friend might smoke openly outside Molly McGees on a Friday night, but that doesn’t mean they want their mother, spouse, or even their employer to know about it. Comments like, “I can’t believe you managed to get home after that last whiskey sour!” or, “Sorry for bumming your smokes all night,” could put your friend in an awkward position at home or get them in trouble at work. If so, they’ll put you in the unfriend list.
3. Hating on everyone and everything
We all have at least one friend like this. Her status isn’t so much an update as it is a forum for some free – and very public – anger management therapy. She can never wait for this day to be over. She just can’t bu-lieve Subway put mayo on her sandwich. She hates it when women bring their kids to the mall/babies cry on airplanes/people don’t clean up after their dogs.
No one wants to spend time with a Negative Nancy, so why would they want one huffing and puffing all over their news feed?
4. Passive aggressive status updates
These updates almost always include the word ‘you’.
“You continue to disappoint me.”
“You won’t ever REALLY get it.”
“How come you have time to update your status, but you never call me back?”
When you post updates like this, every single one of your friends will entertain the idea that it’s directed at them. Not nice. Be a grown up and send the offender a passive aggressive text message instead.
5. A breakup
Even when it’s not your own. If your best friend has just gone through a messy break-up, don’t be surprised if you no longer see her ex-boyfriend in your friend list. And it’s not always about taking sides or being guilty by association. The poor guy might not want to see pictures of his former flame doing body shots off her new friends in Cancun. Can you really blame him?
6. Stalking
Facebook encourages stalker behavior. But how do you know when you’ve crossed the line? If you’re comment on and like everything someone says and does, and they never seem to return the favor, you might just be “that creepy girl.” It’s only a matter of time before you’re cut off.
7. Polarizing posts
Religion and politics: while you have every right to talk about them, don’t expect everyone to listen. If you’re towing the Tea Party line often (and loudly) on Facebook, your more liberal friends might just give you the boot.
8. Bombarding your friends with game updates, quizzes, or event invites
Everyone uses Facebook for different reasons. Some like to keep up with friends through their photos and posts. Others like to share information about the topics they’re interested in. And then there are the people who like to download every app, game or quiz they come across. If you fall into the latter category, your friends might tire of your Farmville updates.
9. Bragging
If you’ve always had the best day ever, can’t believe how great your hubby/job/life is, and have no shame in sharing your every success (big or small), your Facebook friends probably hate you.
10. Doing nothing at all
A lot of Facebook relationships are based on some loose connection, past or present. If you get unfriended and aren’t guilty of numbers one through nine, chances are you were never really friends in the first place. Don’t fret. You’re not missing much. I know, I know. You wanted to be the one to unfriend. If it makes you feel better, block them.
*****
What are some other ways to get unfriended on Facebook? Please feel free to share them in the comments below! ~Lori
BTW, let’s connect on Facebook and on Twitter 🙂
…and here are some other great articles you might like:
Is the Social Media Bandwagon Right for You?
How Artists Can Use Youtube to Improve Marketing
You Are in Charge of Your Art Career
3 Reasons to Start a Creative Blog for Your Business
5 Reasons Why Artists Need Social Media and Eye Opening Stats to Back it Up!
How to Brand Yourself as an Artist on Twitter
Newsletter Art Marketing Tips that Work!
The Visual Artists’ Challenge: Balancing Self Promotion & Gallery Representation
Commissioned Art – Tips to make it a Success!
Create a Powerful Portfolio
The Right Art Gallery – How to Find One
Number 11, which I think should be #1 is this: Don’t ever tag someone on a photo of your art, or anything else, that doesn’t have anything to do with them, just to get them to look at it.
I just unfriended someone after I asked him 3 different times to stop tagging me on pictures of his family (people I don’t know). What happens is this: I get an email every time someone “comments on a picture of me”.
In one week, 3 different people tagged me in photos of their art – I had to delete about 75 emails that had nothing to do with me. It’s a total waste of my time.
If you want someone to see a picture you posted, post it on their wall, don’t tag them in the photo.
Maria, I totally agree. Thanks for adding your two cents. I only wrote the intro to this guest post, and I decided not to add my own ‘reasons’ to the list. This happens to me too – especially with getting tagged in people’s artwork. I have started unfriending a few people lately myself. You gave good advice…people should post pictures on their own wall and don’t tag us!
It is always good seeing you here-
Lori
I think it’s more than just to get you to look at their photo or artwork. If someone tags you in a drawing or painting they did, now, all *your* facebook friends see that photo too. They’re using your large following to get noticed, and I agree – it’s not cool and I also don’t like spending time deleting the emails of comments just because someone was out promoting themselves. If I like someone’s art, often I’ll click Like or even share it anyway!
I so agree, Maria. It is annoying to be tagged in someone’s photo that you don’t know just so they can get a little free advertising from your wall and friends. I condsider this to be spamming. A few weeks ago I was also getting tagged in unknown videos. Can something be changed in FB settings to avoid this?
Hello Debi-
Last I knew, you can change your personal preferences to stop tagging. This was before the last FB changes, but I am sure this setting is still available. Check for yourself under account settings. You should be able to control this from there. I appreciate your feedback!
Good luck-
lori
Number 12: Inviting everyone that’s ever friended you to an event that they have no possible way of attending. Businesses are notorious for this tactic. They may have 2000 followers all across the country yet they’ll invite you to a restaurant opening or show happening a thousand miles away from you.
Great addition, Jay. I constantly get those group annoying event invites all the time and most of them are from other states or even other countries!
Thanks for sharing #12,
Lori
As an educator, I periodically and purposely post links to secular/freethought/humanist sites because they promote critical thinking, the natural sciences (as opposed to supernatural), and rational perspectives: all of which are foundations to 21st century skills. If students and other educators stumble upon my facebook profile, I feel obligated to increase exposure and open permission to healthfully explore these resources. Academia does not flourish in a closed biosphere bubble. It invites dialog. So, while some may defriend me, I consider it more akin to rignt-sizing my network, rather than seeing it as a negative to avoid. And, I like that!
Hello Frank, and thanks for your interesting insights. It sounds as though a negative response to unsolicited posts or tags might depend upon each individual’s friend-list. In my circle, it is common to get tagged with random pictures, posts or invitations that become frequent and annoying – there is not much value. The majority of your network of friends might truly appreciate your posts – and while you might get ‘unfriended’ from time to time, you are in essence ‘culling’ your network down to a targeted niche. I am glad this approach is working for you.
Thanks for the great comment! I hope to see you here again someday.
Lori
lurkers! ARGH! people who never do or say anything, but are vicariously taking it all in & gossiping in the real world or in my recent case passing it onto my boss. So i tend to nuke folks who do nothing for periods of time.
Vicky, it sounds like Facebook is just too close to home for you – lol! The majority of my FB connections are outside my hometown radius. I live is a small town and FB would just make it ever smaller! In fact, you have motivated me to do some local ‘nuking’ myself!
Thanks for the comment and the visit-
Lori
One thing that I have noticed happening is that I believe some of my “friends” have been deactivating their accounts, and then reactivating shortly thereafter. My friends list has been jumping up and down the past couple weeks and has suddenly stabilized.
So, I try not to be offended now when I see my number decreasing, because someone may have actually deleted their account, and it has nothing to do with me.
Good points on this one 🙂
Interesting thoughts, Michelle. After using social media for over two years now, I have developed a thicker skin when it comes to my friendlists. Some come and some go, just like with real life. The ones that stick with you are the ones that matter most.
Best-
Lori 🙂
Hi Lori,
I think you didn’t leave out anything! I just had to remove some people from FB because of some of the reasons above. Facebook and people’s behavior is an interesting phenomenon…
Nice one!
Franziska San Pedro
The Abstract Impressionist Artress
Good list but you missed a few….
11) religious posts on my wall. Save it for church.
12) posting up mlm “opportunities” on my wall
Perfect additions! Thanks for posting a comment.
Lori 🙂
I just started a second fb page for my artwork. It was getting too jumbled together and confusing. Fortunately I haven’t actually had to drop anybody yet.
All of the above has happened from time to time but they are just “virtual” annoyances at this point.
Good luck with your second FB page. I thought of starting another one too, but I am so busy!
Lori 🙂
Religion & Politics! Also backstabbing at work or two faced co workers that pretended to be your friend and when they left they don’t talk to you anymore…
I totally agree with you, Cathi! Great addintion to the list.
Thanks-
Lori
Typing in all caps is a pet peeve of mine. I feel like I am being yelled at. Also I took issue with one person who kept bombarding me with posts, photos, and cute sayings to the extent that I had to scroll for miles until I saw posts from other friends. I didn’t unfriend her but I did unsubscribe so now I only see the posts in my small groups and not in my general feed.
Hello Ani, all caps really do feel like one is being yelled at! I AGREE!!! Thanks for adding that pet peeve to the list…
Lori
I dislike when people use too much profanity. I usually drop those people from my personal page. I already have my professional page set with the profanity guard so to speak. I agree with most of the comments above. If I see a serial friend collector (roughly, over 500 friends on their personal page), I usually will not accept their requests, because how realistic is it that they would be able to interact with me on a personal level with that many people on their list? Thanks, interesting article; I’m going to share it!
Hello Sara, I don’t like profanity either. However, it’s funny cause I am the exact opposite about my ‘friending’…I use my personal and my business pages primarily for business purposes and networking. I have made so many valuable connections via my personal FB page that I wouldn’t have made if I limited to people I know personally. We all have our own systems and comfort zones and that’s what works best for me. Thanks for sharing your point of view.
Cheers,
Lori
Hi. I noticed that I was unfriended by my current boyfriend’s close friend that I haven’t met yet. I am in China right now and I am coming back to the states in a couple months. He friended me about a month ago (my bf’s friend) chatted with me with good feelings and comments of meeting me. Then, my bf and I’s relationship became very distant and vague especially with the long distance. I sent a few messages, to my bf’s friend in that time (I think 3). However, not enough I think to annoy him as to unfriend me. Then, I had a theory. I believed my bf is (now ex) is in a relationship with a new girl who this friend has met, and now it is weird to be friends with me. So, I unfriended my bf, now ex, and I am moving on from this childish behavior.
Honestly, I don’t even check who friends or unfriends me nowadays. It used to hurt my feelings, but after being on social media since 2009, I’ve grown a thick skin. I wish you the same and good luck navigating the highs and lows of FB!
Hi Lori! I have a concern about this girl that is a really close friend of my boyfriend that unfriended me on Fb some days ago, a girl which I knew but wasn’t really comfortable with their friendship since the beginning (we’ve been dating like 10 months) and actually became serious with her and like didn’t even say hi to her in the hallways at college. So she like told my bf that I made like a Grumpy face or something to her and I actually didn’t I don’t even see her, and so about 2 weeks ago my bf and I had a lot of problems and like broke up but we still talk and we’re gonna get back together, and I don’t know if he told her but she unfriended me and I told my boyfriend that she did that and I didn’t know what to think, and be told me that of she did that it is her problem and he knows that I was never comfortable with their friendship because they chat everyday but I’ve never seen their chats however but one time he had erased their conversation bc he said that she told him something very personal about her family and didn’t want anybody to find out. He says she’s like another guy friend to him (cause she’s like a Tom boy) and has a boyfriend herself. What advice can you give me?
Hi Maria, don’t sweat the small stuff! 😉 I don’t even look at who unfriends me anymore. Also, it’s best not to get too personal on social media. Take those conversations offline.